Are you a Hot Headed or a Hot House Mother?
Take the quiz and find out.
1. When my daughter talks to me about things that make me anxious or angry, I:
a. Listen as calmly as I can. I want to know who she really is.
b. Tell her I don’t want to hear about it.
c. I walk out of the room and ignore her. She should know not to bring up certain topics with me.
2. When my daughter does something I don’t like I:
a. Discuss her behavior and help her find ways she can learn best from her mistake.
b. Tell her “I told you so!”
c. Immediately ground her, take away her cell phone, and give her a piece of my mind!
3. When I am upset over work or relationships I:
a. Understand that my daughter is not my mother and don’t burden her with adult issues.
b. I tell her what a jerk my boss, or boyfriend or her dad is!
c. I cry on her shoulder and expect her to help me solve my problems.
4. When my daughter is disrespectful of me I:
a. Do my best to understand it is part of being a teen and I don’t over react.
b. I insult her just enough so she doesn’t get too big of an ego.
c. I totally tear her up emotionally. I won’t stand for her being so sassy with me!
5. My daughter is my complete opposite:
a. I value our differences. She is her own person.
b. I do my best to get her to be more like me.
c. I don’t want much to do with her. She’s too weird!
6. I’m her mother so:
a. I know I need to help my daughter become her true self. She needs to trust me.
b. I want her to be scared of me a little, so she will do what I tell her to do. I know what’s best for her.
c. I expect her to jump when I say jump. I’ll tell her who she can be friends with and what she should be when she grows up!
7. When my daughter talks to me and I get happy, scared or angry I:
a. Wait for her to finish telling me everything she needs and wants to.
b. I interrupt her often and share my point of view.
c. I turn the conversation around to make it about me. I need to express myself.
8. When my daughter tells me about a problem I:
a. Listen as long as it takes for her to hear herself and find her own answers.
b. Give her advice even if she doesn’t ask for it. I’m her mother for heaven’s sake!
c. I tell her what she should do and make sure she follows up with what I tell her.
9. When my daughter talks to me I about stressful things I:
a. Listen for feelings, and ask what I can do to help.
b. I listen and worry that her problems mean I am not a good mother.
c. I tell her she shouldn’t feel the way she does and that she will feel better tomorrow.
10. When my daughter tells me something that seems out of character for her I:
a. Am truly curious as to what is true for her.
b. I roll my eyes and think, oh boy, here we go with some crazy idea she has.
c. I tell her she is off her rocker and to “get real.”
11. When my daughter tells me she is happy but she’s slumped in the chair frowning I:
a. Say what I see. I tell her I see her frowning. I ask her what that means and ask if she wants to talk about it.
b. I tell her I know she is sad and that things will get better.
c. If she wanted me to know about her feelings she would tell me so I just listen to the words and ignore her body language.
12. I think about what my truth is and what I want:
a. Often. I make those questions part of my life map.
b. I hardly ever listen to my own truth or wants.
c. I have truth and wants? You’re joking, right?
If you circled mostly c answers, you are more of a hot headed mother than a hot house mom. That means you are more prone to letting fear, worry, anxiety and ego get in the way of nurturing your blossoming daughter.
If you circled mostly with b answers, you are “warm headed, and have some control over your emotions that can get in the way of you listening to who your daughter really is.
If you circled mostly a answers, you are a hot house mother. You tend carefully to the tender shoots of your daughter growing, unfolding and blossoming into who she is meant to be.
Check your answers to question number 12. If you answered a, you self-listen fairly well. If you answered b, you might want to consider learning how to listen to your own truth and wants. If you answered C, you may want to begin exploring who you really are, and take steps to begin to know yourself better. You can extend the care and nurturing of hot house mothering to yourself.
There are no perfect mothers. Some days you may be a hot house for your daughter, with great nurturing, and the next day, be hot headed and cold to your daughter. You may be unable to be there for her in a respectful, loving way. As long as your daughter gets more hot house care than hot headed mothering, she will bloom.
Your daughter is on loan to you from someplace we know naught about. She came through you and is here to find her own purpose, path and passion in life. Please honor her growth, till her soil, keep the weeds and pollutants from her, and listen to her as she grows. Encourage her to find her way, to grow into the most amazing woman she can possibly become. Treat her with the protection, sanctuary and nurture of hot house care.