Giving your daughter a lump of COAL this Christmas may be the best gift you ever give her! The acronym COAL stands for Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance and Love. It was coined by Dr. Dan Siegel to refer to a state of mind in the way you relate to you “inner child.” However, it is also a wonderful way to relate to your flesh and blood child!
When you listen to your daughter with a curious mind as to who she really is, or what she really wants you to know, you will hear more of her truth. When you listen with an open heart that is not judgemental, you will build more trust in your relationship so she will feel she can share her truth.
When you listen with a sense of acceptance, and you don’t give unasked for advice, or tell her what she “should” do, or “should be,” you build a strong bridge between the two of you.
When you listen with love, you give your daughter your full attention, you don’t interrupt, or steal the conversation. You turn off all distractions and you give her what she needs in order to say what she wants and needs to say.
COAL is what will make your relationship burn bright, and warm for a lifetime.
I hope you’ll consider giving your daughter COAL for Christmas!
My newest book for mothers and mentors of teen girls will be available after the first of the year.
True Listening: The Essential Parenting Skill For Mothers* of Teen Girls. (*and Mentors!) There are 52 short skills that teach you the art of True Listening with COAL in mind. You won’t have to learn all the skills, even learning just a few will improve your relationship with your daughter. Added bonus: You will build a better relationship with yourself as well!
Happy Holidays to all the faiths. Let us each celebrate our own beliefs with open and grateful hearts this season.