If you are like most moms, you ask yourself many questions every day. Should you get new car? A divorce? How about losing a few pounds, or adding more exercise into your life? Do you wonder if having an affair will lift your spirits? Maybe you just want to indulge in some online flirting, or sexy talk with a stranger on Craigslist because you husband isn’t attentive as he used to be. There are a thousand things we ask ourselves every day. How do you best decide what is the right answer? By asking yourself a very simple, solid question: “Is it good for the children?”
People can fool themselves when they ask, “Is this good for me?” Often we talk ourselves into believing something is good for us, even though deep down we know it may not be. Using the question, “Is it good for the children?” is an amazingly simple tool to use to help you guide yourself through life. Let’s take a look at some real life examples.
One woman wanted a divorce from her emotionally abusive husband. Was a divorce good for the children? Usually they are not. But she had to ask, “Was it good for the children to be subjected to a very dysfunctional, cruel family system? What was best for the children?”The woman decided on a clean break, and therapy for everyone. That felt as if it were best for the children.
One woman I worked with fought a battle with diabetes. Yet she drank sodas every day. She couldn’t stop adding more sugar into her bloodstream until she asked, “Is it good for the children?” She realized she was putting her health at risk, which was not in her children’s best interest.
Can you see how this simple, elegant question can apply to so many things you as a mom face every day? If you ask yourself the question and you feel that what you are considering doing isn’t good for the children, don’t do it!
Take the question one more step beyond and use it as a guidelines for your thoughts and beliefs.. Ask the question, “Is it good for the children that I believe… or I think…” What you believe about things is passed down to your children in ways you may not even recognize. What you believe about yourself certainly gets handed down . Is it good for the children that you feel less than, or small, or feel like a victim? Probably not. If you know something isn’t “good for the children,” I encourage you to find the way to turn your answer around, so your thoughts, beliefs and actions, “are good for the children.”
Please note, the answer does not have to be about your own children. The answer can encompass children everywhere. We are all united on this planet. Let us not forget that our thoughts, beliefs and action ripple out and touch so many others. May you find your way to always answer, “Yes! This is good for the children.”